pgjonker.co.za

Trails and Softroaders

[By Johnie Jonker]

[Adapted version published in Leisure Wheels, June 2010]

A while back, a trail I wanted to do – advertised as Grade 1-2 in Drive Out magazine – was indicated as Grade 2 – 4 on the brochure. This was a substantial difficulty “upgrade”, as the latter requires low-range. Whether this was done intentionally or not, the end result remained the same: Softroaders were excluded.

As extensions of their personalities, softroader owners could be divided into two categories:

Owner 1: Wants to take his car places and show it to crowds, where

Owner 2: Wants his car to take him from crowds and show him places,

the latter group being in the minority, in part (largely?) due to insufficient sharing of experience.

In a thread titled “Where did your Softi take you” under the Softroader section of the 4x4community.co.za forum, a reader comments on pictures of a Forester on the Witsand dunes: “Never knew the Forester was capable of that”.

Regardless of whether it was a Forester – it could be any other softroader for that matter – this presents the core of the problem. Not the fact that the reader did not know a specific vehicle’s capabilities, but rather, if he – a softroader enthusiast – did not know this, how many trail owners would?

To change this outcome is up to the softroader community itself, i.e. for those with the higher risk profiles to experience (sometimes the $hard$ way) their specific vehicles’ capabilities, then SHARING this on a public forum.

Most vehicle brands have their own forum where owners talk LR, Toyota, Pajero, etc. But as the active softroader community is very small, we can ill afford exclusive (selfish?) loyalty to own-brand forums, only preaching to the converted. You may have a particularly capable softroader/modification and could be sharing valuable information, useful to the newbie and the fed-up owner of a poor one alike.

Armchair polemics between proponents of the “low-range or not” brigades are mostly speculative and of no use, as it invariably ends up with both camps suggesting that the other “should know their place”. It is doubtful whether more than a handful of these “expressionists” have in actual fact driven both types of vehicle in applicable terrain.

Therefore, to the more adventurous softroader that actually takes his vehicle off the beaten track, I appeal – report back. Everyone in this group should consider himself a member of the “Patron Saints of Softroaders” collective, in the spirit of “Been there, done that, here’s the rub”.

Did you go during the wet or dry season? What was good/bad? If bad, try to suggest a solution, i.e. it may not be necessary to change softroaders to improve matters – just a relatively minor modification. You never know what innovation this may spawn.

Try to be specific. A statement such as “It was difficult” could for some mean that the air-conditioner had packed up and they had to wind the windows down. “We got horribly stuck” could mean: often, or at one specific place only. Then again, was it really the car, or were you simply driving like Mr Green?

To the (yet) less adventurous softroaders, read these reports, and learn. You are already reading LW – a good start – but the forum above seems a good widening of horizons with contributions which can form your opinion as to what works in practise.

In the defence of trail owners  – they are in a Catch 22 situation: Opening a difficult trail to softroaders, gives them a bad reputation for irresponsible grading, due to the resultant vehicle damage or tricky recovery; applying conservative grading to avoid exactly this, results in them being regarded as dogs-in-the-manger.

However, even though this may seem like a case of fools rushing in, please don’t get me wrong – the sensible amongst us softroaders have no wish to attempt a Grade 4 or 5 route, but vice versa, realistic grading at the other end of the scale would be appreciated. If the low-range requirement is e.g. seasonal, this limitation could be stated and softroaders allowed only during the “easy” season.

Finally, the sooner the much-mooted off-road Driver Competency Certificate comes into effect, the better, as this would reduce the risk for both drivers and trail operators. The former by knowing whether he is taking a fat chance or just a calculated risk, and the latter by knowing that at least these options are considered.

JJJ…

There IS life after a space saver spare wheel

[By Johnie Jonker]

[Published in Leisure Wheels, May 2010]

As is the trend with many current SUVs, my car comes with a space saver spare wheel. Not very useful off the beaten track, but more so the pity for the UK buyer, where the spare wheel is an option and the car comes standard with only a can of Tyreweld.

In addition to the requirement for a full size spare wheel for off-road excursions, being stored inside the car underneath the boot floor is not optimal. Other than taking up valuable packing space, the prospect of having to change a tyre when fully packed for the holiday, necessitating emptying the boot of all luggage in possibly inclement weather, called for an alternative solution requiring some lateral thinking.

Option A:         Stand the spare wheel upright in the boot, after removing the false floor panel.

Objection A:    The image shows that the parcel shelf would not drop back fully, even when deflating the tyre, re-inflating when required. Alternatively, one could leave the parcel shelf at home or make a spare wheel sized cut-out at one end, but this would be akin to “farming”.

Option B:         Do the practical thing and mount the full size spare wheel on two roof bars.

Objection B:    Already being equipped with one artificial lumbar disk implant and not wanting another, the concept of manoeuvring a >20kg spare wheel above my head and onto the roof bars, trying not to drop it through the glass roof, was a rather daunting idea.

Option C:         Tie the spare wheel down onto a Thule EasyBase luggage rack clamped to the hitch.

Objection C:    For off-road use the departure angle is severely restricted by the above units due to the load surface extending far beyond (600 mm) the rear of the vehicle.

Option D:         Some cycle racks are designed to clamp to SUV rear door mounted spare wheels. Surely, an inverse design should be possible where the spare wheel is clamped to a cycle rack?

Objection D:    None, whatsoever.

The cycle rack selected for the purpose turned out to be optimal in a very important aspect – allowing a low mounting position of the spare wheel. This results in it being closely tucked in behind the boot door, maintaining the centre of gravity very close to the attachment point. It makes for a light construction, and reduces the stress on the gooseneck, although the latter advantage may be purely academic considering the low overall mass of the “clip-on” (< 30kg, including the wheel). And there is also no rearward obscuration.

Modifications to the standard rack included: 

• Newly designed clamping feet which allows the rack to hinge back so the boot can be opened – the standard unit did not allow for this.
• The clamping force to the hitch was increased above that of the standard unit in order to compensate for the higher acceleration forces anticipated when going off-road.
• All hinge pins were replaced by stainless steel bolts and locknuts.
• A mounting plate which interfaces the wheel to the rack while still allowing the scissor action to clamp/release it from the hitch, was designed and manufactured.
• A locking mechanism was devised which allows keyless fold-down but prevents removal from the hitch without unlocking.
• An illuminated number plate mounted on a custom light-board was added.
• Lockable nuts attach both the wheel and lightboard to the rack, preventing unauthorised removal.

An early concept image showed that with the space saver spare wheel one bicycle could also be accommodated. This would be the configuration for the non-off-roader travelling in civilised surroundings requiring more boot space.

This gain is substantial – the boot size increased by 130 litres by removing the foam insert and false floor. This is an improvement of 54% above the standard volume (as measured by CAR magazine).

As the attachment is not visible in the rear-view mirror, an extension was added to the left upright which is visible from the driver’s position between the headrests and above the soft luggage on the parcel shelf. This enabled the response of the carrier to bumps and dips to be visually monitored during the testing phase, and nowadays to check whether it still is, well, there.

The device has covered in excess of 6400 km, which makes it compliant with the maximum requirements of the American MIL-STD-810F transport vibration specification for wheeled vehicles (for the technocrats: Method 514.5, Procedure 1, Category 4 – Truck/trailer/tracked – restrained cargo).

In addition to the intended advantages in terms of accessibility of the spare wheel, the fact that a full size unit could now be carried and also the gain in boot space, this exercise had another incidental, but useful, spin-off.

During our annual December coastal trip, the kids continuously bump into friends from back home – they practically live next door but are rarely visited during the year – but now they get invited indiscriminately to accompany us wherever, and with gran in the car, four passengers on the back seat is a bit cramped.

Other than the fun factor – the (junior) boot occupant gets a lot of attention from other road users – it’s actually quite comfortable in the back (David was 1.78m tall at the time of taking the picture), and as the going is never far or fast, passengers don’t get time to start complaining. Then again, it may just be that the alternative is too terrible to contemplate – walking.

And the bonus is, when you get to the beach, at least one person has a chair.

Generally, that would be me, then.

JJJ…

Ode aan Oom Enrico

Deur Johnie Jonker

Oom Enrico was ‘n “rapper”, of hoe?

Koerantberig

Op Vrydag, 5 September 2003 berig Die Burger as volg oor die dood van Enrico Smith:

“Mnr. Enrico Smith (64), skipper van die treiler Rietvlei, het ineengestort kort nadat hy toegekyk het hoe ses van sy medevissers sowat 14 km van Yzerfontein se hawe uit ‘n vlammehel gered is.  Die Saldanha-hawe-owerheid het gister om 09:25 ‘n angstige oproep van dié boot gekry wat om hulp gevra het, het mnr. Ravi Naicker , hawemeester, gesê.” 

[http://152.111.1.87/argief/berigte/dieburger/2003/09/05/DB/4LDNk/01.html]

Rietvlei is te hulp gesnel deur verskeie ander treilers.  Nadat Enrico verneem het dat almal veilig van die brandende Rietvlei af ontruim is, het hy aan ‘n hartaanval beswyk.

Herinneringe

As jong student het my paaie met dié van oom Enrico Smith gekruis. Hy was destyds die skipper van Hoëveld ll, ‘n vistreiler wat aan Suid-Oranje Visserye (Suiderland Ontwikkelingskorporasie), in St. Helenabaai vis gelewer het.  Later het hy die skipper op Rietvlei geword.

Saam met hom het ek ‘n groot avontuur beleef die jaar na ek skool klaargemaak het.  Die destydse Departement Seevisserye het ‘n buite-seisoen ekspedisie aan die Suidkus van Suid-Afrika geloods. Die doel hiervan was om vas te stel of pelagiese vis – wat normaalweg aan die Weskus voorkom  – dáár voorkom. Vir 3 weke het ek ’n kajuit met oom Enrico gedeel, soms buite radarbereik van die kus af, waar Mosselbaai en Port Elizabeth ons steunhawens was. Dit was ‘n ongelooflike ervaring.  Selfs die aanvanklike 2 dae seesiek was nie genoeg om ‘n slegte smaak aan hierdie uitstappie te gee nie.

Die slegte nuus

Doodsberigte is natuurlik altyd ‘n hartseer storie.  My verhouding met oom Enrico was sodanig dat ek vir jare nie by hom sou uitkom nie, maar wanneer dit wel gebeur het, kon ons gesels asof  ons mekaar gister laas gesien het. Die voortsetting van ‘n gesprek, eerder as ‘n nuwe een.  En  hy het altyd bly gelyk om my te sien.  Dit was voorwaar ontydige nuus.

Begin van die ‘rap’-kultuur?

Ek het ‘n herinnering aan oom Enrico wat my al laat wonder het:  was hy nie dalk ‘n onontdekte “rapper” nie? Nie ‘n “closet” rapper nie, maar iemand wat heel onwetend dalk hierdie kultuur begin het. Net sy tyd ver vooruit.

Sien, die huidige rapper kultuur gaan, behalwe vir die rymelary, passies op die verhoog en spastiese armbewegings, hoofsaaklik oor die kleredrag. ‘n Baie los broek, heeltemal te wyd gesny, wat laag op die heupe sit en lyk of dit NOU gaan afval.  OK, dit oorvleuel met die skateboard kultuur ook, noudat ek daaraan dink.

Ek roep ‘n prentjie op van oom Enrico waar hy so wegstap van die fabriek se stoor af op pad kaai toe.  Broek laag op (nee, eerder onder) die heupe. Sonder ‘n lyfband. En ons praat hier van ‘n kortbroek – en daai tyd se kortbroeke was wel kort. Niks van ‘n kniebroek snit nie.

Uit ‘n ingenieurs-oogpunt vermoed ek hy het ‘n spesiale tegniek gehad om sy broek bo te hou.  ‘n Bietjie wyer uitswaai van sy bene as normaal, sodat sy knieë met elke tree die broek weer kon terugdruk. Maar partykeer moes hy maar noodgedwonge  hand bysit om kuisheid te verseker.

Metafoor

So het elkeen sy eie oom Enrico, of dalk soos my vrou ‘n oom Japie – wat met sy kruisbande aan tennis gespeel het. Effe eksentriek in sekere opsigte maar deur-en-deur mens. Metafories weerspieël hierdie voorbeelde ook vir my die twee kern persoonlikhede van alle mense. Die met ‘n hoër risiko profiel (te groot broek, sonder lyfband) en dan die versigtige, konserwatiewe tipe,  wat tennis speel met ‘n sportbroek en kruisbande – die letterlike versinnebeelding van die “belts and braces”-spreekwoord.

So waar pas ons in? In my eie geval het ek aanvanklik gevrees dat die oom Enrico persoonlikheid dalk te hoë risiko is.  Ek meen, wat gebeur as die broek daardie kritiese punt bereik en jy het iets in jou hand?  Maar dan weer, gelukkig het ek mos twee hande.

Nou ja, beskou hierdie as ‘n (baie laat) eulogie aan iemand wat vir ‘n kort rukkie tydelik my pa was, dus: ipv R.I.P. wil ek eerder sê: R.A.P. aan, my oom!  [Met groot respek].

 JJJ…

Entrepreneurial Potholes

[Johnie Jonker’s winning letter in Leisure Wheels, June 2010]

The May issue of LW requests readers to submit solutions to the pothole problem we have on our roads. I have no answer as yet, but rather a related problem, which may be even worse in the long-term than the original one.

Travelling between Jozini and Kosi Bay during March 2008 on a dreadful road – where at places only the east-bound half still had a strip of tar – we encountered the following on our way to Ponta do Ouro:

On a section where both road lanes were still tarred but showing rapid signs of decay in the form of substantial potholes, we approached an industrious group of pikanins seemingly repairing a pothole by filling it with soil from the side of the road.

Perhaps the word “approached” is a bit strong, as one moment the road was empty and the next, there was this little guy, barely a head taller than the spade handle – and equally thin – carrying soil across the road towards the pothole.

When he “noticed” us, he stood by the side of the road waiting patiently. However, when I did not slow down sufficiently to his liking and he realised I might not stop and reward him for his initiative, he stepped into the road with INTENT, the spade aggressively held out before him to the extent that I was wondering whether he was actually going to take a swipe at the car and having to take evasive action.

OK, so other than not responding well to threats, why did I not stop and reward him? If not for his efforts, however temporary they may be, then at least for his entrepeneurship or cuteness.

Should you have travelled that road in the condition it was in at the time, you would have noticed in your rear-view mirror – as soon as you had passed the pothole – the following:

More spade-bearing “contractors” appearing out of the bushes, starting to frantically remove the soil from the pothole, dumping it next to the side of the road again, thereby restoring the pothole to original condition. Then disappearing into the bushes, waiting to ply their racket to the next ignorant passer-by.

So in addition to the physical problem – potholes – we now also have a social problem. In pretty much the same way that wild animals, when becoming accustomed to being fed by sympathetic tourists, become aggressive when denied the treat. Many people can attest to the “gangster” behaviour of the baboons between Miller’s Point around to Cape Point, which has the same origins as those above.

Therefore, howEVER the potholes are fixed, it better be SOON.

JJJ

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Chip Away

Watching AStPW’s (successful!) solo crossing of the Kalahari in Episode 3 of his new TV series – Take a Deep Breath – triggered an issue which I had pondered for my own vehicle, regarding engine power increase by means of chipping.

Andrew cuts over to the workshop, and explains the installation of a low-pressure (0.6 bar boost) turbo to his vehicle, mentioning that the supplier is confident that the engine life will not be affected. For Gautengers this makes even more sense, as the first 0.15 – 0.18 bar will be used purely to restore the vehicle performance at reef altitude to that specified at sea level, effectively only increasing inlet manifold pressure by 0.45 bar above standard.

I have previously posted my thoughts on this matter on a UK motoring forum and was accused by one reader of being alarmist. I have attempted to clean out the bits that could be regarded as such, but if some readers still find it so – it is purely unintentional. The sole purpose is to spread awareness.

A number of adverts for increasing engine power through chipping, especially on turbo-engined vehicles, appears regularly in the back pages of most SA automotive magazines. Results are good for relatively low cost, and from one of the advertiser’s website, the following performance increase is claimed:

Golf 4 TDi: Standard: 81kW, 235 Nm – Tuned 95kW, 300Nm: increases over the standard output of 17% power and 28% torque.

The concern for most people considering chipping seems to be the reliability of the engine, and if it fails, the warranty implication. The general consensus is also, that if the extra power is used sensibly, this should not adversely affect engine life.

Unfortunately the longevity of the engine is not the full story.

Using the Freelander ll as an example (purely because the relevant technical information is freely available off the internet), the following argument:

Consider the 2.2TD4 Auto, and for the purposes of demonstration, only the torque, which on the standard engine is 400Nm max. This power is available at the crankshaft driving the transmission, which is an Aisin (52% owned by Toyota) TF-80SC, with a max torque transfer capability of 440Nm – thus a 10% margin of safety. Next, increase the torque of the engine by the same 28% (as for the Golf TDi, above) through chipping, and the transmission must now transfer 512Nm from the engine to the gearbox.

This means that at maximum torque, excessive slipping of transmission internal components will generate friction, and if not initially causing mechanical wear, will under constant use increase the temperature of the ATF, possibly beyond the viscosity range – after which the wear will commence. Some cars have transmission oil coolers to prevent exactly this under heavy loading conditions, e.g. towing.

Next, the torque is transferred to the wheels by a Haldex differential. The unit in the Freelander ll is the GEN lll version, good for 1500Nm of torque transfer. This sounds like a lot, but the torque input to the differential is increased by the same ratio as the gear selected. 1st gear on the Aisin transmission has a ratio of 4.148, so the 28% torque increase from the chipped engine now delivers 2124Nm to the Haldex. The limitations on the Haldex is determined by the friction coefficient of the clutch, which in turn is determined by the number and surface area of the clutch plates and the pressure exerted by the actuator. The clutch plates are in direct contact with each other when the Haldex is locked to drive all 4 wheels, depending on the traction control mode. Some SUVs always move off in 4×4 and only switches to 4×2 once it has gained momentum.

Until the static friction of the Haldex is overcome (after which slippage occurs) the momentary torque through the final drive of 3.3 translates to 7009 Nm to the rear axle. As the traction control can theoretically transfer all the torque to one wheel should e.g. the front axle and one rear wheel be slipping, all this torque will be applied to one halfshaft. Once again, premature Haldex/CV joint wear will result, and if you can believe one post on a UK Landrover forum, turn into a literal “axle twister”.

Admittedly, this will probably only occur on a Sunday evening down Voortrekkers Rd or, when driving offroad, waiving the “using the power sensibly” advice in a panic situation, flooring the accelerator to induce more wheelspin just to be sure the traction control system gets a clear message of ”HELP!”, in order to brake 3 wheels and send all the torque to the remaining one.

From a drivetrain perspective, it therefor seems safer to chip a petrol engine (given it has the same transmission and differential as the diesel variant), as the safety margin is larger.

JJJ

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Momentum v Speed

[Adapted version of Johnie Jonker’s winning letter in Leisure Wheels, November 2009] 

I read with interest the article – Traction Control: How to use it – in the October issue of Leisure Wheels, especially where it was stated that momentum is not to be confused with speed.

For the first time in a SA off-road magazine, this is accurately put, as this concept is mentioned in every “How to” article on sand driving, but more categorically stated as: Momentum is not equal to speed.

Being an engineer, I find this statement extremely annoying, because technically, it is exactly that.

The equation for momentum: M = mv, where M = momentum, m the mass of the object and v the velocity thereof, implies that, as the mass of the vehicle cannot change (except marginally as fuel is burned), the only factor which can influence the momentum, is the speed. So momentum is indeed equal to speed (multiplied by a constant).

Generally, most readers understand that what the writer means is “keep moving”, so the gist of the advice is not lost – it’s just nice to have it expressed correctly. Thank you for that.

In the same issue of Leisure Wheels under Your Opinion, Leon Görgens laments the lacking magazine content for SUV owners. This, in my opinion, is because SUVs are barred by tour operators from many passable routes, artificially claiming exclusivity for the hardcore offroader, mostly using the undefendable excuse of “low range required”. So there is in actual fact, very little to report about on the topic.

This in spite of the general consensus that (some) SUVs can actually do much more than the average owner uses it for, although it may take more care (skill?) on the part of the driver. As a fellow SUV owner, I also long to do routes advertised as only for 4x4s with low-range, and has come up with the following “what if?” concept:

Assume an SUV owner wants to do the Solitaire/Walvis Bay desert route. As long as the SUV is one of a pre-selected number of models, based on e.g. standard ground clearance and rim size, and the driver has done a recognized offroad course – one that teaches the capabilities of the vehicle and how to coax this ability from it – it is allowed to join the convoy with the following additional provisos:

1) Should the vehicle be unable to cross a specific stretch of the route, it willl be escorted back or along a bypass route, rejoining the group later – the escorting done by one of the a SUV “tour managers”.

2) If an unexpectedly deep section of sand cannot be crossed due to lack of ground clearance and a bypass route does not exist, the tour manager will replace the nowadays standard SUV 65 profile tyres with 75 profiles, giving an instant 20 – 25mm lift. As most recent SUVs have 16” or 17” wheels, it is not impractical for the lead vehicle to carry, say, two sets of each rim size, to be swopped back on reaching the final destination.

If the route is planned carefully, the steep, rocky bits will all be downhill, so no low range would be required – just care.

Yes, it will cost more because it requires more personnel and two guide vehicles and may take more time than the standard expedition and a “no hurry” attitude from the guide, but it can work – and if somebody does not do this by the time I retire (you have 4 years), perhaps I should consider a scheme like this, run in collaboration with one of the existing tour operators. The bottom line is, you must get someone that wants to offer such a service to do it, rather than an also-ran.

The only problem I see, is that the owners of pucker off-roaders may be a bit disappointed once they realise that instead of their expensive vehicle, all they needed was a 2001 Subaru Forester …..

JJJ 

PS I can only applaud Francois Rossouw for “taking a chance” with the Terios in a recent Angolan tour. And also Don Nieuwoudt of Westcoast 4×4, who allowed me to do the Saddle Hill/Spencer Bay tour from Luderitz in my Forester a few years back.

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Wot ver zey zinking?

By Johnie Jonker

[Published in Leisure Wheels, January 2010]

So the other day you got lucky and won a snatch strap with shackles from a motoring magazine/off-road equipment supplier. Being a conscientious offroader (more liking gadgets, really), you know that before venturing offroad and getting stuck (or someone else unstuck) – impressing everyone with your bit of kit – you must practice.

Now, not living on a smallholding, there is not much scope for practicing at home, but at least the hard points on the vehicle can be verified and checked to see whether the shackle, e.g. does not snag some part of the bumper.

Remembering that the toolkit was supplied with a screw-in tow eye looking like it is forged from a melted down ex WW l Krupp gun, able to recover both Landrovers and Toyotas (being politically correct here), this is retrieved from the boot.

Out comes the plug in the front bumper, in goes the tow eye – and what a beautiful fit. Now for the rear point.

Out comes the plug in the rear bumper – but where’s the hole!!???

Random thoughts race through your mind – here is a plug and a tow hook, but where the hole should be, a steel bar is running inside the bumper. This calls for a calm, methodical analysis of the situation:

• This is an SUV? – Yes, the manufacturer claims so

• This is a reputable manufacturer? – Checking the badge on the grille, confirms this

• Has the manufacturer previous experience of building SUVs? – Yes

• It has a factory-fitted towbar? er, Yes

Only one thing left to do now, and that is to apply the golden rule of male survival – “If everything else fails, read the manual”.

And there it is all explained clearly: If the vehicle is fitted with a factory-installed towbar, there is no provision for attaching the tow eye at the rear. As it has already been established that this as an SUV (no, really?) from a reputable manufacturer who should know what they are doing, one assumes that it did cross their mind that, per definition, this vehicle will go off the tar and might just get itself stuck – must be, as they supplied a tow eye.

What they did not consider, is that you may either be the first vehicle in a group, stuck in an area where it is not possible for a second vehicle to pass and recover from the front. It may also be that you are in a situation that, even if aforementioned was possible, it would be better to be extracted rearwards.

As the factory-towbar is of swing-out gooseneck design, the hitch cannot be removed and replaced with a proper towing attachment, as there is no plate to attach it to. On three versions of aftermarket towbars that fellow members of my vehicle’s forum (UK, Oz and NZ) has fitted, access to the threaded hole behind the bumper is still possible.

Make no mistake, the design of the swing-out towbar is brilliant, with electronic indication of when it is in both the stowed and operational locked positions. It is just its integration with the vehicle and its intended purpose that is lacking.

So before you venture off into the wild blue yonder again, just check your SUV towing point access.

JJJ…

How Crazy Are You?

By Johnie Jonker

During a working visit to India a few years back, a colleague and I found ourselves in Bangalore, visiting the Indian counterpart to our own Denel, whom we were working for at the time. The purpose of our visit was to assist in the testing of electronic equipment.

We reported at the facility the morning after our arrival from Delhi, and started working straight away. This being Thursday, there was a lot to be done, but as Saturday was a normal working day in India, we envisaged that three days should be sufficient. Little did we know that, even though the work may be finished, our hosts are a tenacious lot, and that as they now have us there, are going to try to “detain” us for as long as decently possible in order to squeeze as much information out of us as they could.

The first signs of this became apparent when, seeing as we did not mind working on the Saturday, perhaps we did not mind working on a Sunday either? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. As we Sefricans are a pleasant lot, always trying to please, we complied.

We had originally planned on finalising the visit with a wrap-up meeting early the next morning, returning home on Wednesday, using the Tuesday – which was a public holiday – to spend as a day of rest.

This public holiday turned out to be Ghandi Day. Let me explain: This day commemorates Ghandi’s birthday – 2 October – and is right up there with any religious holiday in terms of sacredness. So obviously we would have the day off for some sight-seeing. Not so.

Off we trundle – AGAIN – to Bharat Electronics on the Tuesday morning – six of us in the Ambassador taxi. Let me explain again: In spite of having such a classy name, the Hindustan Ambassador is the staple taxi in India. It has been in production since 1958 (in India) with few modifications or changes and is based on the Morris Oxford III, produced in the United Kingdom from 1956 to 1959. They are severely underpowered – how much, we only learnt later, during a subsequent visit to Dehra Dun in the northern part of India.

 En route to the nearby ski resort – no, really – of Mussoori, we asked the taxi driver whether he could turn on the air conditioning, as being summer at the time, it was blerrie humid. His response was that we can choose – either the air conditioning on; OR we drive. But not both. Anyway, I digress.

So we arrive at the entrance of the deserted – except for the security guards – company premises. Our local representative starts explaining our mission in one of the local languages. This is dragging on a bit, and although us two Sefrican boykies do not understand anything being said, we can sense the tone. It is now getting somewhat uncomfortable in the taxi, as these vehicles are not really designed to accommodate four adults on the back seat.

Eventually we are let through, and I ask Arun what he had to tell the guard to allow us in, as it sounded as if quite a bit of convincing was required on his part. Arun then explained that he had to tell the guard the same story four times, as to him – the guard – it was totally incomprehensible that anyone that has a National Holiday – especially THIS one – would choose to come to work rather than lazing about at home.

His parting words to Arun was: “You are not crazy, you are SUPERcrazy!”

JJJ

Well folks, this being my maiden post, perhaps I should explain a few things. I will try my utmost to ensure that I do not write anything of a humorous nature. For that content, read my boet’s blog. So please bear with me if something funny does slip through.

Contributions will mostly be of a travelogue nature, anecdotally relating incidents, supported by pictures. This may relate to events regarding the preparation, journey or destination.

Although the stories will all (mostly) be true, some of it you – like the security guard – may find hard to believe. Don’t worry too much if it sounds farfetched – just be entertained!

JJJ

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