Writing Exams
By PG Jonker
Not too long ago I had the dubious privilege of having to write a few exams. For this purpose I flew up to Gauteng to sit the exams in Pretoria, whilst staying with brother Johnie.
The day of the second exam started off pretty promising – we woke up without having been burgled. That nogals counts for something in Gauteng, I thought.
As I had a positive experience with the first exam I reckoned today should be even better. I mean, statistically the previous paper had only a 50% success rate, as opposed to today’s exam’s with a statistical 80% success rate. Meaning that, statistically, I had a much better chance of doing well in today’s exam.
I drove into downtown Pretoria with Johnie’s Subaru with what appeared to be the whole of Pretoria’s mini-taxi drivers having conspired to bump into me. Having successfully dodged all of them, though, I eventually got to downtown Pretoria, with the map on my lap, that is.
That was the good part of the day.
I started with the easy part of the paper first. However, somehow I could not remember, or think up, the answers. Fortunately, of course, my motto of “do your best and crib the rest” applied splendidly, as it was an open book exam.
However, it soon dawned upon me that, even with the assistance of my books, I could not find the answers and that I will be sitting this exam again on the next occasion. I was not thrilled. No offence meant towards those offering the course, but it really ain’t fun, you know?
To make matter worse, as I bravely proceeded, I gradually started overheating, sweating profusely. To the extent that I later realized that I was not feeling well and that I was a candidate for fainting (“passing out” just sound so much more masculine, don’t you think?) It must have been something I ate. To prevent extreme embarrassment (in other words, limiting the experience to embarrassment ordinary), I got off my chair and knelt down in the isle, with my head resting on my hands. Trying my best to remain conscious.
Those in attendance seemed to understood this as a simple gesture of humbleness and merrily proceeded, minding their own business.
After a whille I felt better. So I got up, but decided to go outside for a while to get some fresh air. Halfway there, however, I realised that lying down would now really be a nice thing to do. It also appeared to be medically indicated. So I lied down. You should try this when you do an exam again. It is very refreshing.
By then the invigilator was very concerned. I assured him that I was all right – this is how I normally write exams, and that I was actually having a great time. So I encouraged him to proceed invigilating. Something which he reluctantly returned to.
After a few minutes I felt much better, went back to my chair, and finished the exam. The invigilator, however, was not convinced by my swift recovery, and kept invigilating vigorously and in concerned fashion in my close proximity. He even brought me water – to drink, that was, I mean by that time I was sufficiently cooled down to function normally again.
Having then rushed through the rest of the paper I eventually found most of the answers that I could not find two hours earlier.
Back at Johnie’s place (have you ever noticed how difficult it is navigating with a map on your lap in the dark in peak-hour traffic?) I sheepishly told my sister-in-law of my ordeal. She responded promptly by giving me 2 teaspoons of ginger brandy in a glass of ginger ale. These 2 teaspoons more or less equalled my alcohol consumption for 6 months.
So considering myself slightly loaded, I went to bed to sleep it off.
There should be rules against exams, really.
PGJ