Wot ver zey zinking?
By Johnie Jonker
[Published in Leisure Wheels, January 2010]
So the other day you got lucky and won a snatch strap with shackles from a motoring magazine/off-road equipment supplier. Being a conscientious offroader (more liking gadgets, really), you know that before venturing offroad and getting stuck (or someone else unstuck) – impressing everyone with your bit of kit – you must practice.
Now, not living on a smallholding, there is not much scope for practicing at home, but at least the hard points on the vehicle can be verified and checked to see whether the shackle, e.g. does not snag some part of the bumper.
Remembering that the toolkit was supplied with a screw-in tow eye looking like it is forged from a melted down ex WW l Krupp gun, able to recover both Landrovers and Toyotas (being politically correct here), this is retrieved from the boot.
Out comes the plug in the front bumper, in goes the tow eye – and what a beautiful fit. Now for the rear point.
Out comes the plug in the rear bumper – but where’s the hole!!???
Random thoughts race through your mind – here is a plug and a tow hook, but where the hole should be, a steel bar is running inside the bumper. This calls for a calm, methodical analysis of the situation:
• This is an SUV? – Yes, the manufacturer claims so
• This is a reputable manufacturer? – Checking the badge on the grille, confirms this
• Has the manufacturer previous experience of building SUVs? – Yes
• It has a factory-fitted towbar? er, Yes
Only one thing left to do now, and that is to apply the golden rule of male survival – “If everything else fails, read the manual”.
And there it is all explained clearly: If the vehicle is fitted with a factory-installed towbar, there is no provision for attaching the tow eye at the rear. As it has already been established that this as an SUV (no, really?) from a reputable manufacturer who should know what they are doing, one assumes that it did cross their mind that, per definition, this vehicle will go off the tar and might just get itself stuck – must be, as they supplied a tow eye.
What they did not consider, is that you may either be the first vehicle in a group, stuck in an area where it is not possible for a second vehicle to pass and recover from the front. It may also be that you are in a situation that, even if aforementioned was possible, it would be better to be extracted rearwards.
As the factory-towbar is of swing-out gooseneck design, the hitch cannot be removed and replaced with a proper towing attachment, as there is no plate to attach it to. On three versions of aftermarket towbars that fellow members of my vehicle’s forum (UK, Oz and NZ) has fitted, access to the threaded hole behind the bumper is still possible.
Make no mistake, the design of the swing-out towbar is brilliant, with electronic indication of when it is in both the stowed and operational locked positions. It is just its integration with the vehicle and its intended purpose that is lacking.
So before you venture off into the wild blue yonder again, just check your SUV towing point access.
JJJ