S%&t Stories

[Also in Afrikaans @]

Semper in excretum, sed alta variet 

By PG Jonker

Frikkie rented a house on a farm.  In the run up to our Richtersveld tour we paid them a few visits to plan the trip. 

First on the agenda was the fact that I did not have a four-wheel-drive vehicle which, I was advised, was a requirement for the trip.  In any event, after travelling to Epupa falls in Namibia with my Toyota Venture I have decided that I’m too nervous a traveller – if the going gets tough, I’d rather be in a four wheel drive vehicle.  Hopefully the vehicle would make up for my lack in confidence. 

On the farm there is an old Mahindra station wagon.  I’ve never seen one like that before; it looked pretty much like one of those unknown vehicles taken in Angola during the war.  Maybe it was, I can’t remember.  Frikkie suggested that I take this vehicle on loan.  It sounded like a splendid plan, until Frikkie suggested he give me a head start of three days.   

But a problem of a totally different nature arose this weekend that required attention.  The sanitation on the farm works a bit different than in town.  You don’t have a connection to the local sewerage works; you need to create your own.  Not like a long drop, I mean.  It is a proper flushing toilet and so on, only you need your own pit. 

In any event, on Saturday afternoon it became evident that Frikkie had too many guests.  The sanitation system could not cope with this influx of … huh… well, visitors.  But Frikkie is a man with a plan for all occasions.  He tried a few of those, but none seemed to work.  The porcelain coach remained out of action. 

All that was left was for Frikkie to go check out the pit.  Which he duly did.  He came back and reported that he can see what the problem is, and that it is simple to fix.  Simple.  We just need to empty the pit.  OK, that sounded quite logic.  “So how do we do that?” I enquired.  With a wheelbarrow and spade, is the answer. 

Eisj!  Or more accurately, Seisj!

Frikkie donned his water boots and got into the pit.  Up to his knees in the…. well… stuff, you know?  I’m the driver of the wheelbarrow.  Frikkie does the uploading of the stuff into the wheelbarrow.  So as soon as we have a full wheelbarrow, I trundle off to the corner of the yard to dump the proceeds there. 

So, we actually started having some fun in the process.  Later I took up station a distance away while Frikkie did the loading, because my lips started cramping from keeping it pursed together.  By sun down everything worked again the way it should.  

Ja, it’s safe to say the Frikkie and I have been through some deep things together.



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